Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Be prepared this post is gonna be hell long.

Alot of things changed over the month.
From attached to single.
From happy to depress.
From having him to losing him.
Ive never tried loving someone to such an extend.
He's more impt then i tot he was to me.
I love him so much.

"so near yet so far"
We hear this all the time, but how many actually felt this way before.
Stil remember that day, i hugged him so tightly in my arms and i cried.
He cried too, but the tears were filled with guilt.
His arms are no longer hugging around me, his heart is no longer with me.
Im hugging him, he's so near to me, but i could feel that he's no longer with me.
I couldnt feel him anymore.
Why must he be the 1 hurting me?
He made my life like hell.
I cry every single day, tears just cant stop rolling down my cheek.
In the train, in the bus, walking on the street, anywhere, anytime i can cry.
I break down totally.
I cried and begged for him to come back.
I kept telling myself he's gonna come back.
I didnt wanna face the reality, i didnt wanna accept the fact.
It really breaks my heart.
I nv tot this day would come, all i have in mind was our future.
An extreme big blow to me.
He bring me hope n he took them away.
He made me love him so so so much, to an extend of no return and he left me.
He left me for someone else. Someone he claims to be better.
He hurt me so badly to be with another.
I can do nothing but to give them my blessings.
I wan him to be happy, but i cant be happy without him ard.
Time flies when we're tgt.
We're always complaining bout how fast the day ends
Being with him was the happiest moment of my life.
Though we quarrel, but it nv take long for us to be back to normal.
Loving him is the best, having him is the sweetest.
Can i have him back?
When wil this nightmare end n i can have him back into my arms again?
I know im to be blame for all this shit, my attitude n everything, i can change, i only need 1 chance to prove it. Why cant i have it?
I nv stop loving him. I nv stop missing him.
Everything he have in my house is stil here.
Nothing changes, everything is just waiting for him to come back.
Im waiting.

I cry myself to sleep every single night.
I took many pills to get myself to sleep.
I did silly things.
I knw you all are gonna say im stupid, silly, hopeless, weak, dumb, crazy, blah blah blah..
But i just cant help it, i'll admit all.
Nobody know's wat we've been thru, n how much he means to me.
When mummy asked me bout him, im stucked, i dunno wat to say.
Mummy says she likes him very much, he's a nice guy and he'll be someone who can look after me. I agree... But he's no longer mine now.
I wan him but i cant have him.
I need him but he wont be coming for me.
Im left with nothing but hopes. Hopes that he claims to be empty.


This entry is long enough.
Will stop here. Continue again.
Im tired.

-nights